Online
by Sea-Aggie
Summary: Songfic to Brad Paisley's song "Online"


Disclaimer: Music is owned by Brad Paisley and The Twilight Zone

**Disclaimer: Music is owned by Brad Paisley and The Twilight Zone. Characters, Tortall, and everything else is owned by Tamora Pierce.**

**WARNING: This songfic gets a little strange. I couldn't get the idea out of my head so I wrote it out. Then I figured that since it was already typed up I mine as well post it and hope someone enjoys it. If you hate it NO hard feelings. In fact I give ya all cookies for attempting to read it.**

Online

By: Brad Paisley

I work down at The Pizza Pit

And I drive an old Hyundai

I still live with my mom and dad

I'm five foot three and overweight

I'm a sci: fi fanatic mild asthmatic

Never been to second base

But there's a whole 'nother me

That you need to see

Go check out MySpace

_I attend the convent_

_And I ride an old pony_

_I still depend on my dad_

_I'm short and underweight_

_I enjoy embroidery and staying inside_

_I'm waiting to marry_

_But there's a whole 'nother me _

_That you need to see_

_Go check out MySpace_

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six foot five and I look damn good

I drive a Maserati

I'm a black belt in karate

And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

_'Cause online I'm in Corus_

_I'm still real short, but I've got muscle_

_I have a warhorse_

_I'm a superb fencer_

_I stay away from wine_

_It turns girls on that I'm mysterious _

_I tell them I don't want nothing serious_

_'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat_

_With two women at one time_

_I'm so much cooler online_

I get home I kiss my mom

And she fixes me a snack

I head down to my basement bedroom

And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time

I've ever been to L.A.

Was when I got the chance with the marching band

To play tuba in the Rose parade

_I get home and kiss my hubby _

_And I fix him a snack_

_I head up to my tower parlor_

_And fire up my Mac_

_In real life the only time_

_I've ever been to Corus_

_Was when I left the convent_

_To be presented as a Lady_

But online I live in Malibu

I pose for Calvin Klein I've been in GQ

I'm single and I'm rich

And I've got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious

'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

_But online I live in the palace_

_I'm training to be a knight_

_I'm single and not so rich_

_But I've got a set of muscles that would blow your mind_

_It turns girls on that I'm mysterious_

_I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious_

_'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat_

_With two women at one time_

_I'm so much cooler online_

_Yeah, I'm cooler online_

When you've got my kind of stats

It's hard to get a date

Let alone a real girlfriend

But I grow another foot and lose a bunch of weight

Every time I log in

_When you're obedient_

_It's hard to have dreams_

_Let alone follow them_

_But I grow another foot and build up a bunch of muscle _

_Every time I log in_

Online I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six foot five and I look damn good

Even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat

With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

_'Cause online I'm in Corus_

_I'm still real short, but I've got muscle_

_Even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat_

_With two women at one time_

_I'm so much cooler online_

_Yeah, I'm cooler online_

_I'm so much cooler online_

_Yeah, I'm cooler online_

_Wow. That was a really strange dream, _Alanna thought when she woke up,

_Especially that part about being able to chat with two women at one time._

_That night at a ball..._

"Alan!" called Delia fluttering her eyelashes, "I'm so glad you were able to make it tonight."

_Well I'm not. _Alanna thought.

"Oh Alan," cried out another maiden.

She was soon surrounded by many "Ladies".

_This must be what that song meant by being able to talk to multiple women at one time. _

_The next morning..._

_I wonder if people would actually like that song? _"Hey Gary! Do you know how to play the electric guitar?"

"The what?"

"Oh, Never mind..." _There goes that idea for fame and fortune._

_A few weeks later..._

Alanna was on her way to The Dancing Dove when she heard the strain of music coming from The Palace Hits - Corus' number one music shop.

"And now for this week's number one, it's called Online by Roger, Duke of Conte and his band the Traitors!

_I work at the palace_

_And I have a warhorse_

_I still work for my uncle and aunt_

_I'm tall and real good-looking_

_I'm obsessed with my looks_

_And I want to be king_

_But there's a whole 'nother me _

_You need to see_

_Go check out MySpace_

_'Cause online I live in the king's apartments_

_And everyone worships me_

_I own a whole herd of horses_

_And I'm a black robe mage_

_I love to drink_

_It turns girls on that I'm mysterious _

_I tell them I don't want nothing serious_

_'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way...chat_

_With two women at one time_

_I'm so much cooler online_

Suddenly Alanna's listening was interrupted by two very giggly girls.

"Oh, Maria isn't he so sexy," asked a brown haired peasant girl.

"I just love men who try to take over the world," her friend sighed.

Alanna rolled her eyes and hurried to The Dancing Dove. She needed a drink. Once again that...

that... that... man! Had stolen her plan. She walked in the tavern only to hear...

_'Cause online..._

Roger and The Traitors were playing live!

"Hey! Alan! Come join us!" yelled George over the music.

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" she cried as she fell to her knees.

Hear the theme song to The Twilight Zone

Thank you for joining us for another episode of The Twilight Zone. Join us next time to hear the story of Peachblossom, a horse who is thrown into a world were he grows wings and can fly.

**Note: When Alanna is singing about living in the convent I just left it turns girls on... just so that part remained the same throughout the whole story. In no way am I implying that she is bi and gay. And for those of you who think that Roger is gay and wonder about the whole it turns girls on... part. Well girls can still be attracted to someone who is gay. Also he isn't gay he's bi. This note is in response to me's review. Thanks.**

**Note: It turned out very differently then I imagined. Oh well. Anyways I apologize that Roger and The Traitors stole all of your cookies or wait maybe it was the Cookie Monster...shrugs shoulders...Well, you can never tell in The Twilight Zone. **


End file.
